Establishing Consent
You must ask the Question...
- "Do you want to come back to my place?" is not a specific request for sex.
- Lack of saying "no" is not the same as granting consent; silence does not equal consent.
- Anyone can withdraw consent at any time. In a 2003 California case, a man who was engaged in consensual sex with a woman was found guilty of rape because when she withdrew consent, he failed to stop.
Of a Capable person...the person must not be:
- Drunk
- Unconscious
- Mentally or physically incapacitated
- Underage(chronically, emotionally, or intellectually)
- In a prohibited relationship(e.g. incest, adultery, or in a professional relationship such as therapist/client, President/intern, etc.)
With Adequate disclosures...
- Exposure to STD's
- Intention for the relationship
- Marital status
- Attitudes toward contraception and pregnancy
And Without Coercion.
- Consent is not determined by whether they say "yes" as much as it is by their ability to say "no". Unless they are as free to say "no" as they are to stay "yes," consent is not granted. Remember, sex without consent is not sex; it is sexual assault.
- Rape: the most obvious and especially harmful use of coercion.
- Bribe: prostitution or pornography
- Threats: prostitution or pornography
- False disclosure: such as married person claiming to be single
- Obligation: "you owe me for taking you out on a date" or "because you are my wife"
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Collecting "Evidence" of Sexual Consent
Have you ever thought you had consent because your partner acted as though she wanted to have sex? Consider the following forms of "evidence."
I could tell that she wanted to have sex by the way she kissed me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex by the way she looked at me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex by the way she dressed seductively.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex by the way she danced with me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex by the way she touched me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she drank shots with me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she's got quite a reputation.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she's hooked up with me before.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she brought her diaphragm with her.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she came back to my room.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she took off her clothes.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she decided to stay the night.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she never said "NO."
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she never resisted me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because of how often she wants to be with me.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she wants an exclusive relationship.
I could tell that she wanted to have sex because she said she loved me.
Despite what seems to be "evidence" of consent, you can't tell that someone wants to have sex with you unless they tell you that they want to have sex with you.
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